Time Immortal

One of the more curious aspects of blizzards in Edmonton seems to be the tendency of traffic (and its corollary, bus ridership) to bog down to a greater extent on the day following a blizzard, as opposed to the day of the blizzard. I don’t know quite what it is, but it always seems that way. Perhaps I’m just imagining things, but even so…yesterday morning, I awoke to what was effectively a blizzard. And yet it seemed that most everyone got to the office on time, or at their usual times (more or less). The bus was about as full as it always is: I had space to sit and read another few pages in America Alone.

Today it wasn’t even snowing when I left the apartment, and yet it seemed that traffic was much more of a disaster. The bus, which hadn’t had to break its usual pace the previous day (during the blizzard) was today much slower. It was also much more packed…we had to leave (i.e. simply drive past them, owing to the fact that there was no more room on the bus) more than thirty people at various stops along the way. And it seemed as well that people were trickling into work a bit later than usual as well…which all strikes me as odd.

Maybe I’m just not getting something here, but if that’s the case, please somebody answer me: why does the day after a blizzard always seem to be worse, traffic-wise, than the day of the blizzard?

Okay, so in addition to this being a test of the “Long Fury” portion of the website, it’s a bit of a rant. Let’s talk about something important.

Alarm clocks.

Really. Set your alarm clock. It can save you more than just being late. It can save you a lot of hurt and limping.

So this morning, I woke up and, dazed, glanced at my clock. 7:14 AM. Okay, I think to myself, I have plenty of time. Or…wait, I think again, no, I really don’t have ANY time. So I leap up out of bed and glance out the window. The crew van that comes to take me to work arrives at my house at 7:10 AM, and when I don’t see it there, I start throwing on my clothes. No sooner do I get my jeans on when I see the crew van pull up out front.

They’re going to leave in a minute if I don’t stop them I think to myself, so outside I run. As I come barreling half-naked up the stairs (I live in a basement suite) into the back yard and turn to run along the sidewalk leading to the front of the house, my right foot touches the (wet) grass and slides. My body goes with it, leaving my poor left foot to drag along the edge of the concrete sidewalk.

So now there’s a nice rash/gash on the bottom of my left foot. Because this whole sliding thing also tripped me, I’ve also torn my jeans (my last good pair) and skinned my left knee. Fortunately, my neighbour saw me go down and had a first-aid kit in his truck, so I was…still…able…to…go to work. Boy, goody.

And all because I didn’t set my alarm last night to wake me up at 6:30 AM like I should have. So, remember, set your alarm. You’ll wake up on time and you won’t leave gashes in your feet.

Hopefully.

Or at least you’ll have time to put on some shoes.

Grace asked me recently, as she has a couple times before, what is is about wings that guys find so appealing. What she means is, of course, not “wings” as might appear on the back of a person in an illustration of an angel but instead “wings” as might appear skathered in hot-sauce in a small, paper-lined bowl from the kitchen of some bar. That’s right…chicken wings, that omnipresent snack-food.

It’s a good question. What is it about wings that most people, especially guys, like so much? I don’t imagine that the average guy thinks about it much…to the average bar-goer, a wing is a tasty snack and little more.

But is there something more to it? It seems to me that there are five main reasons.

1. Size

Wings are small. At the same time, wings (being meat) are filling for their size. When eating at a bar, food that is small but filling is something of an ideal.

Wings are small enough that one can be eaten quickly, before the taste of one’s last sip of beer has totally faded and needs to be replaced by another sip. And wings are filling enough that they give the placebo effect that often comes with knowing that a full belly means it takes one longer to get fall-down drunk.

2. Broad Appeal

These are chicken wings we’re talking about, after all. Chicken. When it comes to chicken, there are really only two types of chicken-eaters: those who like white meat, and those who like dark meat. Oh, there are people who like both types of course, but even they typically have their preference. Mine, for instance, is dark meat, especially that of the thigh. Grace prefers the drumstick. My sister Megan will refuse all other pieces of the chicken if white breast meat is available.

Wings have broad appeal because then, because they have two components, the winglet and the drumlet. Technically there’s also the tip, but I’ve never been to a bar that serves the tip.

The winglet typically has darker meat, while the drumlet typically has whiter meat. Therefore, wings have broader appeal than other cuts of chicken that might be snacked on. And in the rare instance that two good friends, one who passionately dislikes white meat and the other who passionaltely dislikes dark meat, sit down and order snacks at a bar, the ordering of wings should appeal sufficiently to both parties as to not dissolve the friendship.

And if one of them happens to be vegetarian, that is why most wing orders also come with carrots, celery, and dip.

3. It’s meat

With the obvious exception of vegetarians, there is a further appeal of wings, especially to the male mind: they are made up of meat. Enough said.

4. Flavours

One bar in Edmonton boasts 36 wing flavours, and it’s easy for the average person to take a minute and think of 6 wing flavours off the top of their head:

• Plain
• Salt & Pepper
• Barbecque
• Teriyaki
• Hot
• Honey-Garlic

More exotic flavours exist, of course, and almost all of them have a great taste all their own. Oh, some varieties of hot wing are all about the burn and have nothing in the way of acual flavour, but hey…some people just want to burn, so that’s legitimate. The point is, wings are a great medium through which to try a variety of different flavours of sauce, many of which will also taste good on other things…

…like, for example, teriyaki sauce on steak.

5. Competition

Not every guy will eat wings for this purpose, but occasionally two (or more) guys will sit down over a massive bowl of wings and attempt to determine which one is more virile than the other (at least that would be my explanation for it, because we all know that one’s virility is directly proportional to the number of chickens we can indirectly render even more incapable of flight!) based on the sheer quantity of (usually spicy-hot) wings consumed.

So there it is…the five major reasons why guys like wings. Now when Grace asks me, I’ll know what to reply with.

Maybe I should condense it, though.