Time Immortal

Grace asked me recently, as she has a couple times before, what is is about wings that guys find so appealing. What she means is, of course, not “wings” as might appear on the back of a person in an illustration of an angel but instead “wings” as might appear skathered in hot-sauce in a small, paper-lined bowl from the kitchen of some bar. That’s right…chicken wings, that omnipresent snack-food.

It’s a good question. What is it about wings that most people, especially guys, like so much? I don’t imagine that the average guy thinks about it much…to the average bar-goer, a wing is a tasty snack and little more.

But is there something more to it? It seems to me that there are five main reasons.

1. Size

Wings are small. At the same time, wings (being meat) are filling for their size. When eating at a bar, food that is small but filling is something of an ideal.

Wings are small enough that one can be eaten quickly, before the taste of one’s last sip of beer has totally faded and needs to be replaced by another sip. And wings are filling enough that they give the placebo effect that often comes with knowing that a full belly means it takes one longer to get fall-down drunk.

2. Broad Appeal

These are chicken wings we’re talking about, after all. Chicken. When it comes to chicken, there are really only two types of chicken-eaters: those who like white meat, and those who like dark meat. Oh, there are people who like both types of course, but even they typically have their preference. Mine, for instance, is dark meat, especially that of the thigh. Grace prefers the drumstick. My sister Megan will refuse all other pieces of the chicken if white breast meat is available.

Wings have broad appeal because then, because they have two components, the winglet and the drumlet. Technically there’s also the tip, but I’ve never been to a bar that serves the tip.

The winglet typically has darker meat, while the drumlet typically has whiter meat. Therefore, wings have broader appeal than other cuts of chicken that might be snacked on. And in the rare instance that two good friends, one who passionately dislikes white meat and the other who passionaltely dislikes dark meat, sit down and order snacks at a bar, the ordering of wings should appeal sufficiently to both parties as to not dissolve the friendship.

And if one of them happens to be vegetarian, that is why most wing orders also come with carrots, celery, and dip.

3. It’s meat

With the obvious exception of vegetarians, there is a further appeal of wings, especially to the male mind: they are made up of meat. Enough said.

4. Flavours

One bar in Edmonton boasts 36 wing flavours, and it’s easy for the average person to take a minute and think of 6 wing flavours off the top of their head:

• Plain
• Salt & Pepper
• Barbecque
• Teriyaki
• Hot
• Honey-Garlic

More exotic flavours exist, of course, and almost all of them have a great taste all their own. Oh, some varieties of hot wing are all about the burn and have nothing in the way of acual flavour, but hey…some people just want to burn, so that’s legitimate. The point is, wings are a great medium through which to try a variety of different flavours of sauce, many of which will also taste good on other things…

…like, for example, teriyaki sauce on steak.

5. Competition

Not every guy will eat wings for this purpose, but occasionally two (or more) guys will sit down over a massive bowl of wings and attempt to determine which one is more virile than the other (at least that would be my explanation for it, because we all know that one’s virility is directly proportional to the number of chickens we can indirectly render even more incapable of flight!) based on the sheer quantity of (usually spicy-hot) wings consumed.

So there it is…the five major reasons why guys like wings. Now when Grace asks me, I’ll know what to reply with.

Maybe I should condense it, though.